The joys of facebook...

I get it - I really do. I know that pregnancy is not a walk in the park. I've seen my mum go through it a fair few times, and her pregnancies were a far cry away from a positive experience.

I know that you get sick, you are ridiculously tired, you can't sleep, you get swollen feet, you have to carry baby and bump around for months....etc,etc...

However. What do you do when someone on Facebook updates her status twice a day about how crap her pregnancy is, how she can't wait until it is over, how rubbish it is. Easy answer, I know, delete Facebook. I would, but have family on there that live far away and they rely on photo's etc to keep updated.

Sometimes you just want to scream - do you not realise how lucky you are. You have a beautiful baby growing inside you. I understand that from her point of view her pregnancy is crap, but it can't  be as crap as the 3 years we have spent wishing for that.

She will meet her baby soon, and her pregnancy will be far from her mind - we will still be waiting for our dream.

If there are any ladies reading this, that are having a difficult pregnancy, then hugs to you, stay strong, you will have your baby soon. You have every right to complain  -  I'm sure I will when the time comes! But before you share it on Facebook, or shout it from the rooftops, be mindful of the ladies out there that would do everything and anything to be in your situation.


I'm sure we have all been here. Just sending big cyber hugs to all you ladies <3

Mind Blank...

We have our appointment on Wednesday to find out whether I am suitable for egg sharing. 
I have forms that I need to fill in that talk about me - my eye/hair colour etc. There is also a huge area for me to write about me. The type of person I am and what types of things I enjoy. 

Well... I have been sat here for an hour, Microsoft Word open, the curser flashing back at me, One Born Every Minute on the telly.... and now I am here writing this. I am lost for words. This is something that will be kept for years, and may be read in the future by someone that was created with the help of my eggs. They will want to know all the important things about their donor and here I am with an empty page. 


It's frightening really, when I think about it properly. The whole thing is just so surreal. The biggest question at the moment is, will it work ? 

In 4 months, I could be pregnant. This journey is hard. I am nervous but so excited all at the same time. 

This isn't helping my form is it..... any help, gratefully received! 

My new pal...

I am a bit dangerous on EBay - anyway, I decided to get an information book to help us along our journey - so here is my new bible...

Any reviews or recommendations - grateful recieved!!

Lights and tunnels and all that...

They don't lie when they tell you it is an emotional journey. A positive but tiring day full of ups and downs. 

So we got to the clinic early, Hubby, myself and my orange pants went for a pot of tea first. It felt like the longest 30 minutes ever, waiting for the clock to tick around to 2.45pm.

I have to say, the clinic was brilliant and make you feel very relaxed. All sorts of emotions go through your head. Walking in, you see other ladies and gentleman waiting as well... In a normal hospital you see all these different people and can't help but wonder what they are there for. Today you knew... they were there for exactly the same reason as us. They longed for a baby - another little person to make their family complete. Everyone there are going through the same emotion filled journey as we are.

We went in to the nurses room, reality hit me - conception is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world, and here I was on a bed, catching a chill, with my feet in the air... 

So one overy has lots of follicles and has PCOS - the other looks ok. 

Whilst I could do with loosing a few more pounds, my BMI was under the cut off. So the lovely nurse took some blood and asked us to go into the waiting area. We then went into the consultant, who went into detail about the procedure, explained the negatives and asked lots of questions about our medical history. 

With PCOS, there is a higher risk of OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome), so they will have to monitor the effect the medication has on me closely. 

All in all, it was a good day, we learnt alot, we are moving forward - but boy am I drained. 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel - we are on our way - all being well, 4 months from now we will be close to testing. This is what we need to hold on to. But I am scared - it all feels so real now! 

I salute all you wonderful couples/ladies that go through this, because it takes guts, stamina and strength. 

I am leaving now - I need to shout from my rooftops.... 

We are officially on the IVF journey.... 

Waiting but not ready..

Well, this afternoon we are packing ourselves off to the clinic for our first appointment!

I have so so much to do and am mega stressed about fitting everything in today...BREATHE!

You know when you have one of those days where you have planned everything to a time, have a plan, and a timetable... and one thing gets thrown in and it all turns upside down! That's this morning...

But, after stressing after not getting any - yesterday I purchased my pants!

I have been panicking about my weight and BMI - there seems to be some confusion over the BMI  cut off point, and I seem to fall right in the middle of that BMI - my weight fluctuates and I swear my scales don't work - I can weigh and be 11st 8, and then weight again and have gained 3 pounds! So I am worried they will tell me I can't egg share!


Anyway - I shall get on with everything I need to do, and update you very soon!

On the IVF train...

And we're going full steam ahead! 

So after battling the rain and the traffic, we managed to find a parking space outside the clinic... 

We really didn't know what to expect, and we were filled with so many different emotions...it was exciting.. but sad too. We shouldn't be here. We should just be able to decide one day that I feel strange and should take a test. But we were here. On a Thursday night in the rain. 

So we went inside. You would never think that you were inside an fertility clinic. Pretty lights and comfy sofas. We were given a shopping bag with their details on(Yea, might not pop to the shop with this!) filled with a notepad, pen, magazine, and lots of info.  

We spent 20 minutes with an IVF Specialist, who gave us more information and advice in those 20 minutes, than we have had in 3 years. We had a tour around the clinic, saw the scanners, the recovery room, the door to theatre... it all felt so real. And a board of photographs of all the babies that had been conceived there. **Sob sob**

So, what next? We have our first appointment in 10 days. Here I will get a pelvic ultrasound and more information. I am also having an AMH test to see if my eggs are compatible to egg share. 

I would like to go forward with egg sharing, not just because of the subsidised cost of treatment, but because it is giving something back. Without sperm donors, I wouldn't be able to have a baby with my husband. 

We need people to donate, to give couples a chance. Because infertility is no fun. It hurts. It seems like an endless tunnel at times. 

It breaks my heart that my husband cannot have children, but we have been given a chance of a family together, and that is priceless. 

So hopefully my eggs will be good enough. I will then go through screening, and then we wait for a recipient. Then the scary part begins. 

The specialist thinks it will take about 3 months to do all of this... but that it better than the 18 month list we are already on. It might not work, it might end in a BFN, but, it is a chance. We must be positive. 

It is going to be a tough journey... but it will be worth every pain and every tear. 

Little one...Mummy and Daddy will meet you soon! 

Madness with Me....

I'm sorry, you must have wondered where I'd gone...

Well maybe not. I have been working a new job - one that has me working 48 hours a week. Along side that, a poorly hubby, strong wind (yes, the outside type, thank you) and just silly little things have taken up every spare moment ...

But, I'm back. I hear my huge group of followers shouting 'YAY'.... Ok, so I don't. I am happy to be here however to update the page, and my one very loyal, very wonderful follower on how things are going this end. 

So, I was having a bit of a read on the internet and came across a private clinic in our area. I haven't considered private care before - we don't have a great deal of disposable income and there is always something else that requires paying - so that £20 you have put in the savings account yesterday - comes straight back out tomorrow. 

What appealed to me was that the clinic have different budget ranges, including free IVF treatment with donation of eggs. Again, I have never considered this before, but as a possible recipient of donor sperm, why shouldn't I give something back to those who are in the same position as us. 

So, I inquired, and tonight we are popping along to an open evening - and hopefully booking an appointment for an initial appointment. We might not be able to afford to go any further once we have talked prices through, but I feel that we are moving forward. 

We have waited on the NHS waiting list for over 12 months now, and we are no further down the line than when we started. I have got 3 years older whilst trying to conceive.

Many people say, "but your still so young!" ... but when you are waiting for this long, you see your life fly past your eyes, and nothing changes... 

So we will go and see what they say, all we will waste is a journey if they can't help...

 Let's go and make a baby (the technical way !!)