My how you have grown...

We met with friends yesterday and went to a science attraction that had a pregnancy exhibition inside.

You could hold rubber babies to the correct scale based on gestation, and then you could go in a womb simulator (yes you are reading right!) A pink padded dome with a small entrance! It moves to imitate the movement that baby feels and you can hear mum and dad talking on the outside. In 5 minutes you go from pregnancy test to birth!

They also show pictured of the embryos from conception to 5 days. Looking at the picture I cannot believe our little babies came home with mummy as day 3, 8 cell embryos!!

I will leave you with a picture of the rubber baby of 5 months gestation.... We are 21 weeks now, so fit nicely into the 5 month category! 

With love, Me xxx

Another hurdle crossed. ..

We had our 20 week scan yesterday and both babies look fine. All went well. I was so nervous and was expecting something to be wrong.

I have promised family I will now start to enjoy this pregnancy and believe my babies will be coming home. It is still so surreal and I am just protecting myself from getting hurt sub-consiously,  but I owe it to my boys to have faith in them.

I have felt the quiet baby kicking this last 12 hours.  Actually kicking. They are telling get they're mummy to stop worrying I think!

So overall feeling well. Lots of aches and pains in legs hips and back, but all to be expected according to the midwife .

Still not able to eat green vegetables ! Guilty mum moment.  But making sure I stock up on other good foods.

Bump is growing and is heavy and sore now if I am walking a lot. 

I still have to pinch myself sometimes. I phoned the clinic yesterday to update them on the scan. They sounded very happy and I am so grateful to them. Hubby will tell people that they helped to make our miracles. 

IVF was so hard. We put our bodies through so much.  We spend so much money trying to achieve something so natural. We worry, we stress, we cry, we hope.

But it is worth every tear.

Posting on my phone today... so no fancy signature! Have a lovely weekend. 

Love, Me xxx

A sad day...

I have heard some sad news today regarding a fellow IVF'er, I am not going to explain, as it is not my story to tell, however I am thinking of her, and am sending her strength. We take life for granted sometimes and it is days like this when we realise just how lucky we are.

Sleep tight, little one xxx

Nobody said this would be easy...

...but it sure will be worth it.

Monday night, we enjoyed our evening in A+E! Nothing terrible...I was suffering from a raised pulse of 130 and palpitations. All my tests came back normal, so I have just been told to go back if it happens again.

Then at my midwife appointment yesterday, my blood pressure is 90/40. Low. I felt fine until she told me! Then I had every symptom going! Felt rubbish for the rest of the day. Woken up this morning feeling fine, so fingers crossed.

Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant, and I already love my boys more than words can describe. But I always thought pregnancy was where you walked around looking and feeling blooming!

The only think that is blooming at the moment seems to be my back end! Blooming massive ;)

I wouldn't change it for the world, and this means so, so much to me...but it's not as easy as I thought it would be!

However, I have woken up today, the sun is shining, I can feel very little movements, and I am loving my bump. I will do everything I can to look after my babies, even if that means mummy feeling rubbish.

Wishing everyone a very happy Friday...

We are having....

So after I last updated, I had a bit of a meltdown. I was so worried and anxious, which wasn't great. 

I went to see the midwife, who listened in and thinks she heard both heartbeats, which is great with twins, as it is often hard to find them both. However she explained to me that it is difficult to rely on home heartbeat monitors because whilst you may find a heartbeat, 10 minutes later something could happen. That didn't do a brilliant job of reassuring me!! I know she was trying to help, but I went home and broke my heart. I spoke to hubby and we agreed we would book a private scan. Sunday the 15th March, 16 weeks, Mother's Day. 

We went yesterday for our private scan and I was so, so nervous. We went in, not really knowing what to expect. It was lovely and so relaxing. The room was dimly lit, and there was music playing in the background. A TV screen was in front of the scanning bed so that we could watch the scan. Hubby had a nice comfy seat to sit in. To be honest, I only really noticed most of that once we knew both babies were ok. 

So baby 1 was very active, kicking legs all over the place and liked posing for photo's!  I have felt a couple of movements, but cannot believe they can move that much and you not feel it! 

Baby 2 was facedown, and a little shy. We did see baby rubbing it's eyes on the 4d scan though. This was just a freeview, as we didn't pay for a 4d scan. 

Another part of the scan was a gender check. We were very lucky and managed to find out the sex of both babies. 

We are having.... 

Two beautiful baby boys!! 

We are absolutely made up, and it feels so real now! I feel like a mummy, and am so excited to meet them! 

IVF really is a Miracle and I have so much to thank the clinic for! 

Please remember to have hope, because dreams really can come true. 

A little TLC please...

I am sat at home today feeling sorry for myself because some kind soul has shared their cold virus with me! Usually, I would just get on with things, but it has left me feeling exhausted and just yuck! I tried to drink a hot honey and lemon...but had run out of lemon. Note to self... Honey and hot water does not equal yummy!

So, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to pop in and say 'hi'!

Not much new. I have booked in to see the midwife tomorrow, for reassurance more than anything. It seems such a long time between the 12 and 20 week scan, and just want to know my little babies are ok. I am hoping she may look for the heartbeats, but it may be a little early at 14 weeks.

I went shopping with my mum yesterday, and we bought some maternity things. I cannot tell you how long I have waited to do that! It felt very surreal, but I am starting to be able to imagine them being here, and wondering what they will look like.

I am feeling slightly better in myself, but of course, this just means I worry that things are going well. It is a viscous circle. They are right when they tell you a mother's worry starts at conception.

There is a lot to think about, so I have started writing lists... there is so much we need, and there are constant questions going around in my head regarding the best things to buy. Add that to a lack of money, and it is quite frightening.

But, the main thing is that these little ones will be so loved, and I cannot wait to meet them now!

Keep your eyes peeled...I will update when I get my scan date through!!

Pregnant after IVF...

We are know at 14 weeks. A whole 10 weeks since finding out, and 3 and a half months into our pregnancy. I am awaiting my 20 week scan appointment and my consultant appointment.

I am not sure what pregnancy is like after a natural conception so I have nothing to compare my pregnancy too, however I still cannot envisage me with 2 babies.

My bump is growing, I spend half my day needing the loo, and my boobs feel like someone has attached hot weights onto them... I have a nursery half complete, clothes, nappies and blankets upstairs. But I cannot get my head around them being used by my babies.

I wonder if it is an IVF thing. We spend so long hurting emotionally, that we put a barrier up to protect our emotions. I am hoping when I start feeling proper movement (been feeling very light flutters) things will step up a level.

I get a surge of excitement when I talk about the birth, or life after birth.

In terms of the pregnancy, things seem to be going ok (touch wood). I am getting lots of strong ligament pain, and my hips and back have bad days. I am still getting occasional nausea, but it has got better. My bump is really quite there now, and I spend hours asking hubby if I just look fat...because I just don't believe I have a pregnancy bump!!

I await the news of post every day, in the hope that I have that familiar envelope. I did have a hospital letter the other day to tell me all my screening bloods came back as normal. This is wonderful and we are very pleased (although I had them checked for egg sharing, so wasn't worried about there being a problem)

So I will continue to wait, continue to look in the mirror, and continue to tell myself that this is real!

12 week point

I am still rather useless aren't I. In order to defend myself, I will say that I have been staying off the computer, in order to protect my already crazy mind, from going even crazier. Therefore, I haven't sat long enough to update.

However... we had our 12 week scan on Monday. Both babies are doing well, and were measuring 3 days ahead. This means that today, I am 12 weeks and 3 days, and we are officially past the 12 week point. Phew.

We have a long way to go, but we are a third of the way there. We are feeling a little more confident about meeting our babies, and I am starting to believe it may be real! Might need to get my head around it before they decide to meet us.

I was very nervous about the scan. I think I am too aware of what can go wrong. We arrived early, so everything was done with little waiting. The sonographer was training on a new machine, so we only really got to see the babies for 10 seconds, just to look at the heart beat. I was a little disappointed, as the ladies in the room were talking about how the babies were wriggling. It would have been lovely to watch. However, I am just extremely grateful that both our babies are growing well. We also got lots of lovely photo's so I can't complain. The scan was a little uncomfortable. She was poking and prodding, and my round ligaments have been playing up, so the scan aggravated that, but of course, all worth it.

We then went back into the antenatal clinic, where I had my urine and blood pressure checked, and bloods taken. I am unable to have the screening for Downs Syndrome due to carrying twins. The results are not reliable. This doesn't worry us. We are already in love with our babies, and will deal with any problems when we need to.

I then waited 5 minutes, and went in to see the midwife. She explained that my due date is now 30th August, instead of the 2nd September. She also explained that I need to book in for a Glucose Tolerance Test, to test for Gestational Diabetes at 28 weeks, so that is booked for the 1st June. I will get an appointment to see my consultant in the post, and also a date for my 20 week scan.

This was about it. In total we were there for an hour and a half. It was exciting and relieving all in one, but it made it feel so real. For the first time in my life...I have had my 12 week scan. There were so many moments when I didn't believe I would get here.

I am so glad that those important people in my life reminded to me to have faith and hope in myself and my babies. Please remember to have hope.... miracles do happen xxxx

Baby 1

Baby 2

Love always, 

Bitter Sweet

It's easy to forget sometimes that this was an Egg-sharing cycle. I was so comfortable with it, it almost seemed like a normal thing to do. I also never considered it not working.

When we were last at the clinic, I asked about my recipient. We are so happy and feel so lucky that we were successful and I honestly just assumed she would have been too. So I was honestly shocked when the nurse told me it didn't work for her.

I almost felt like I'd failed her in a way. She had relied on me, put her faith in my eggs and all for nothing. I know I did what I could. I gave her a chance, but it didn't stop me getting tearful. I really wanted to help her dream come true.

It is really surreal how you can get attached to a person you have never met and know nothing about.

I'm not sure how I feel about future IVF, and I want to enjoy our babies for a while (all being well) but I would always consider egg sharing again.

We have been given such a special gift by a donor, and now my wonderful husband and I have 2 babies growing. I would love to give that gift to another family.

In other news, we have our last clinic scan tomorrow. I will be 9 weeks and 2 days. I am praying that they are both doing well. They are certainly creating a little home in my expanding tummy!!

9+1 Twinnies 

Double Trouble...

I am 8 weeks and 5 days today, carrying twins!

A scan last week showed two strong heartbeats fluttering away. We are truly blessed.

It is a scary thought. I already have the maternal instinct to protect my babies, and the fact that we are high risks and the babies may come early and unprepared is a frightening thought. But lots of ladies deliver healthy twins, so I need to focus on that.

Time seems to be going extremely slow, but we have another scan this coming Thursday and that should reassure me for a little longer.

My symptoms come and go, but I have everything from a snuffly nose, to extreme tiredness, to nausea. But it will all be worth it.

I still cannot quite get my head around it. The fact that in about 6 months time, we (hopefully) with have two little babies that rely on us 24 hours a day. I cannot wait.

IVF is a miracle, and it really has made our dreams come true. It is early days, but right now, we are mummy and daddy to two little dots!

Happy New Year!!

Ok, so I am probably the most useless blogger ever. My last post was on the 30th December. Over 2 weeks ago. I'm sorry!

Do I have a reason? Not really. I am trying to limit my time on the laptop. It is easier to web surf, and then you end up reading all sorts of things that start you on that anxiety roller coaster. But that is no excuse for not being here to chat.

So first I'd like to wish you all a very Happy (and belated) New Year!! I hope that 2015 has started well for you all.

So I am 7 weeks pregnant today. Still sounds odd to say that! It has been a mental couple of weeks.

On New Years Eve, I ended up in the local hospital with bad pain in my right side. They wanted to rule out an eptopic pregnancy, however all they could do was take bloods to see if my hormone levels were high enough for them to scan me. It was so strange to see the new year in on the gynae ward!!

So at 00.25am, on the first day of 2015, hubby and I were walking back to the car, with fireworks sounding in the background.

I then went for a scan on the 2nd of January. I was 5 weeks and 2 days, so it was obviously very early. The internal scan showed 2 gestational sacs! (So Holly and Ivy both implanted!) however only 1 had a visible yolk sac. This could be because the second baby was a little slower in it's development, however I am prepared and have been warned that it may not progress.

The pain eased within a couple of days, but that hasn't stopped the period type cramps, which send me up the wall. I have convinced myself so many times that this is a dream, or that the pregnancy isn't progressing. I have done so many tests that everyone is shouting at me, and we could probably do with taking out shares with Clearblue!!

So as we hit the 7 week point today, I have two sleeps until my viability scan at the clinic. Excited much?! And then my follow up NHS appointment on Monday.

I will try and be better up updating. I really think at the moment I am still in a sort of Limbo. I need to see it to believe it!!

Have a good week xx