Bitter Sweet

It's easy to forget sometimes that this was an Egg-sharing cycle. I was so comfortable with it, it almost seemed like a normal thing to do. I also never considered it not working.

When we were last at the clinic, I asked about my recipient. We are so happy and feel so lucky that we were successful and I honestly just assumed she would have been too. So I was honestly shocked when the nurse told me it didn't work for her.

I almost felt like I'd failed her in a way. She had relied on me, put her faith in my eggs and all for nothing. I know I did what I could. I gave her a chance, but it didn't stop me getting tearful. I really wanted to help her dream come true.

It is really surreal how you can get attached to a person you have never met and know nothing about.

I'm not sure how I feel about future IVF, and I want to enjoy our babies for a while (all being well) but I would always consider egg sharing again.

We have been given such a special gift by a donor, and now my wonderful husband and I have 2 babies growing. I would love to give that gift to another family.

In other news, we have our last clinic scan tomorrow. I will be 9 weeks and 2 days. I am praying that they are both doing well. They are certainly creating a little home in my expanding tummy!!

9+1 Twinnies 

Double Trouble...

I am 8 weeks and 5 days today, carrying twins!

A scan last week showed two strong heartbeats fluttering away. We are truly blessed.

It is a scary thought. I already have the maternal instinct to protect my babies, and the fact that we are high risks and the babies may come early and unprepared is a frightening thought. But lots of ladies deliver healthy twins, so I need to focus on that.

Time seems to be going extremely slow, but we have another scan this coming Thursday and that should reassure me for a little longer.

My symptoms come and go, but I have everything from a snuffly nose, to extreme tiredness, to nausea. But it will all be worth it.

I still cannot quite get my head around it. The fact that in about 6 months time, we (hopefully) with have two little babies that rely on us 24 hours a day. I cannot wait.

IVF is a miracle, and it really has made our dreams come true. It is early days, but right now, we are mummy and daddy to two little dots!

Happy New Year!!

Ok, so I am probably the most useless blogger ever. My last post was on the 30th December. Over 2 weeks ago. I'm sorry!

Do I have a reason? Not really. I am trying to limit my time on the laptop. It is easier to web surf, and then you end up reading all sorts of things that start you on that anxiety roller coaster. But that is no excuse for not being here to chat.

So first I'd like to wish you all a very Happy (and belated) New Year!! I hope that 2015 has started well for you all.

So I am 7 weeks pregnant today. Still sounds odd to say that! It has been a mental couple of weeks.

On New Years Eve, I ended up in the local hospital with bad pain in my right side. They wanted to rule out an eptopic pregnancy, however all they could do was take bloods to see if my hormone levels were high enough for them to scan me. It was so strange to see the new year in on the gynae ward!!

So at 00.25am, on the first day of 2015, hubby and I were walking back to the car, with fireworks sounding in the background.

I then went for a scan on the 2nd of January. I was 5 weeks and 2 days, so it was obviously very early. The internal scan showed 2 gestational sacs! (So Holly and Ivy both implanted!) however only 1 had a visible yolk sac. This could be because the second baby was a little slower in it's development, however I am prepared and have been warned that it may not progress.

The pain eased within a couple of days, but that hasn't stopped the period type cramps, which send me up the wall. I have convinced myself so many times that this is a dream, or that the pregnancy isn't progressing. I have done so many tests that everyone is shouting at me, and we could probably do with taking out shares with Clearblue!!

So as we hit the 7 week point today, I have two sleeps until my viability scan at the clinic. Excited much?! And then my follow up NHS appointment on Monday.

I will try and be better up updating. I really think at the moment I am still in a sort of Limbo. I need to see it to believe it!!

Have a good week xx