I found this picture on pinterest. I thought it was lovely. I don't agree that I will be better than other mums because of the IVF, however I know that I will appreciate every moment, and be the best mother I can be.
Monday 28 April 2014
Thursday 24 April 2014
A poem for my child...
Sometimes, I just sit and think, and words come into my head. I am a soppy idiot, and often the words are how I feel and what I would like to say to my child. So tonight I decided to write my thoughts down in the way of a poem -
My plan for life was simple,
To fall in love and wed,
To have a home and family,
That's what I have always said.
My dream grew stronger as time went on,
The weeks turned into months.
Watching every sign,
Holding on to hope.
Twelve months went by,
Off to the doctors we went.
Still no baby,
Lots of tests taken and sent.
We waited for a simple answer,
Instructions or pills to take.
A miracle cure we needed,
A baby, we couldn't make.
After waiting an eternity and dreaming of you,
It is now not that far away.
Just weeks from the start of our treatment,
I think of you every single day.
Some people may call me crazy,
others may call me mad.
Four years in waiting my baby has been,
Four years to become mum and dad.
I have to argue with those that say,
my baby does not exist yet.
I fell in love with you a long time ago,
Even if we are yet to met.
You are already in our hearts,
In our lives every waking moment.
If we meet you in one year or two,
A miracle from up above, you were sent.
One day soon I will be holding you in my arms,
watching the joy on your daddy's face.
The most natural thing on this planet we will have achieved,
and I know that you will be in the right place.
Please know that you will be forever loved,
that we spent years hoping to hold you,
that you will be the most amazing gift,
for me, for daddy, and for our family too.
My plan for life was simple,
To fall in love and wed,
To have a home and family,
That's what I have always said.
My dream grew stronger as time went on,
The weeks turned into months.
Watching every sign,
Holding on to hope.
Twelve months went by,
Off to the doctors we went.
Still no baby,
Lots of tests taken and sent.
We waited for a simple answer,
Instructions or pills to take.
A miracle cure we needed,
A baby, we couldn't make.
After waiting an eternity and dreaming of you,
It is now not that far away.
Just weeks from the start of our treatment,
I think of you every single day.
Some people may call me crazy,
others may call me mad.
Four years in waiting my baby has been,
Four years to become mum and dad.
I have to argue with those that say,
my baby does not exist yet.
I fell in love with you a long time ago,
Even if we are yet to met.
You are already in our hearts,
In our lives every waking moment.
If we meet you in one year or two,
A miracle from up above, you were sent.
One day soon I will be holding you in my arms,
watching the joy on your daddy's face.
The most natural thing on this planet we will have achieved,
and I know that you will be in the right place.
Please know that you will be forever loved,
that we spent years hoping to hold you,
that you will be the most amazing gift,
for me, for daddy, and for our family too.
Sunday 20 April 2014
Happy Easter
Just hopping in to say... Happy Easter!
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I hope you have all had a good day. Who know's what next Easter will bring.
I am now off to eat my weight in chocolate :)
I hope you have all had a good day. Who know's what next Easter will bring.
I am now off to eat my weight in chocolate :)
Wednesday 16 April 2014
One step closer...
Sorry, you must think I had fallen off the face of the earth.
It has been a strange couple of weeks.
Blood tests and new job last week. This week a virus. I am sniffling like a piglet and coughing like a 1989 Fiesta!
The new job is better hours, and a little more active, but they know about the IVF. I was concerned that the job I had before was 12 hour shifts sat at a desk, with not much option to move around, not the opportunity to eat little and often, and a very artificial atmosphere.
It is a really hard journey, as many of you will understand. I know the statistics, I know it may not work on the 1st cycle, but that doesn't stop me wanting to try everything to help it be successful. I had concerns that my job may have a negative impact on the IVF. Unfortunately, I hadn't been here long and wasn't in a position to ask for time off or explain about our fertility treatment.
So, last Tuesday, off we went to the clinic. We were booked in for counselling and also to have my screening tests. Bloods were first. We went into the nurses room, and I was given a wee pot and a cotton bud swab and ushered off into a little bathroom, which also doubles as the man's sample room :)
After that was sorted, I sat down ready to meet my fate, and watched as she put 6 blood sample bottles into the tray. It was then that I realised I should have bought a Mars bar. Or 6. Or maybe an Easter Egg! She kept me talking and it was over in no time. It didn't hurt either. Because she took so much, she actually put a mini cannular in, rather than a needle, which made it more conformable. I believe the screening was for HIV, signs of STI's (past or present) Chromosome disorders/abnormality, and the Cystic Fibrosis gene. The only ones I am concerned about are the latter 2. They are something that go unnoticed and you wouldn't know you had them unless you are tested.
The lovely nurse said to ring in 3-4 weeks to see if they are back. (2-3 now! And no, I am not counting the days, I am composed and patient!) I only have 301 hours till I can call for the first time!!
She also said that they already have a recipient in mind, but obviously cannot approach them until my results come back clear. But, she thinks the matching process will be quick, given my age. So treatment may be late June, early July!
And then into the counsellor. She was lovely. We weren't in there long. We are fairly positive people, and both feel we have thought both sides of the donor treatment through thoroughly. We spoke about what we will tell our child.
We have always said we would be honest about the donor sperm to our child. ''Daddy was given a gift that helped us to have baby'' That sort of thing. We have also told close family and a very close friend that we are using a donor.
The Councillor advised us that we do not tell anyone about the sperm donation. Including parents. That would now mean going and lying to them and saying that we have been successful with hubby's swimmers. Apparently, if we are concerned about the welfare of the child, this would be better as the child may not want others to know.
I understand this, but if we are being honest with the child, then there is a chance that in 15 years, the secret will come out, and family will know they were lied too. I am not comfortable with this. I think we will keep it how it is, and only have close family knowing. There is always a chance that other people will find out through certain chatterboxes in the family, however I would prefer that to our child feeling that they were some sort of secret.
I don't know what everyone else's stance is on this?
So, now we wait. I have upped my water intake to 2 litres (most days) to try to get used to drinking so much. I find it easier to keep filling a 500ml bottle up. To drink 2 litres, you need to drink 7 glasses, and I just wasn't managing it.
One step closer, but it feels like a long road ahead. Ladies, it certainly makes us stronger.
Keep smiling world :)
It has been a strange couple of weeks.
Blood tests and new job last week. This week a virus. I am sniffling like a piglet and coughing like a 1989 Fiesta!
The new job is better hours, and a little more active, but they know about the IVF. I was concerned that the job I had before was 12 hour shifts sat at a desk, with not much option to move around, not the opportunity to eat little and often, and a very artificial atmosphere.
It is a really hard journey, as many of you will understand. I know the statistics, I know it may not work on the 1st cycle, but that doesn't stop me wanting to try everything to help it be successful. I had concerns that my job may have a negative impact on the IVF. Unfortunately, I hadn't been here long and wasn't in a position to ask for time off or explain about our fertility treatment.
So, last Tuesday, off we went to the clinic. We were booked in for counselling and also to have my screening tests. Bloods were first. We went into the nurses room, and I was given a wee pot and a cotton bud swab and ushered off into a little bathroom, which also doubles as the man's sample room :)
After that was sorted, I sat down ready to meet my fate, and watched as she put 6 blood sample bottles into the tray. It was then that I realised I should have bought a Mars bar. Or 6. Or maybe an Easter Egg! She kept me talking and it was over in no time. It didn't hurt either. Because she took so much, she actually put a mini cannular in, rather than a needle, which made it more conformable. I believe the screening was for HIV, signs of STI's (past or present) Chromosome disorders/abnormality, and the Cystic Fibrosis gene. The only ones I am concerned about are the latter 2. They are something that go unnoticed and you wouldn't know you had them unless you are tested.
The lovely nurse said to ring in 3-4 weeks to see if they are back. (2-3 now! And no, I am not counting the days, I am composed and patient!) I only have 301 hours till I can call for the first time!!
She also said that they already have a recipient in mind, but obviously cannot approach them until my results come back clear. But, she thinks the matching process will be quick, given my age. So treatment may be late June, early July!
And then into the counsellor. She was lovely. We weren't in there long. We are fairly positive people, and both feel we have thought both sides of the donor treatment through thoroughly. We spoke about what we will tell our child.
We have always said we would be honest about the donor sperm to our child. ''Daddy was given a gift that helped us to have baby'' That sort of thing. We have also told close family and a very close friend that we are using a donor.
The Councillor advised us that we do not tell anyone about the sperm donation. Including parents. That would now mean going and lying to them and saying that we have been successful with hubby's swimmers. Apparently, if we are concerned about the welfare of the child, this would be better as the child may not want others to know.
I understand this, but if we are being honest with the child, then there is a chance that in 15 years, the secret will come out, and family will know they were lied too. I am not comfortable with this. I think we will keep it how it is, and only have close family knowing. There is always a chance that other people will find out through certain chatterboxes in the family, however I would prefer that to our child feeling that they were some sort of secret.
I don't know what everyone else's stance is on this?
So, now we wait. I have upped my water intake to 2 litres (most days) to try to get used to drinking so much. I find it easier to keep filling a 500ml bottle up. To drink 2 litres, you need to drink 7 glasses, and I just wasn't managing it.
One step closer, but it feels like a long road ahead. Ladies, it certainly makes us stronger.
Keep smiling world :)
Wednesday 2 April 2014
All your eggs in one basket...
... bad, I know. It was the only phrase I could thing of containing eggs!
AMH results today. I had a bit of a meltdown in the waiting room, wondering what on earth I would do if she told me my eggs had gone on vacation and had no intention of sticking around.
But, I was worrying over nothing. Our consultant said my AMH levels were fine, at 46 they are slightly higher than average, but still in the normal range.
So, all my forms are submitted, my letter to the recipient is done, and my screening tests are Tuesday next week!
Hubby and I need to have a counselling session to discuss using and being a donor, that is booked for Tuesday too. It is then a 6 week wait for the results, and then they will start the matching process.
I am now like a bottle of pop, I have had a walk around Mothercare. I would now like to be able to tell you that I have a relative that I was shopping for, but in all honesty, I was so excited at the prospect of it all starting that I needed to choose my pram, nursery furniture, highchair, nursery bedding, car seat, clothes, maternity outf........ What? Sorry, did you just call me mad?
Maybe I need help, or something better to do, but we were both in our elements!
I know people tell you not to rush through life, and not to wish time away, but I regret to inform you that I will happily sail through the next 6 weeks waiting for tomorrow. Because tomorrow is one step closer.
I might actually be packing my hospital bag this time next year! Please god, let it work.
AMH results today. I had a bit of a meltdown in the waiting room, wondering what on earth I would do if she told me my eggs had gone on vacation and had no intention of sticking around.
But, I was worrying over nothing. Our consultant said my AMH levels were fine, at 46 they are slightly higher than average, but still in the normal range.
So, all my forms are submitted, my letter to the recipient is done, and my screening tests are Tuesday next week!
Hubby and I need to have a counselling session to discuss using and being a donor, that is booked for Tuesday too. It is then a 6 week wait for the results, and then they will start the matching process.
I am now like a bottle of pop, I have had a walk around Mothercare. I would now like to be able to tell you that I have a relative that I was shopping for, but in all honesty, I was so excited at the prospect of it all starting that I needed to choose my pram, nursery furniture, highchair, nursery bedding, car seat, clothes, maternity outf........ What? Sorry, did you just call me mad?
Maybe I need help, or something better to do, but we were both in our elements!
I know people tell you not to rush through life, and not to wish time away, but I regret to inform you that I will happily sail through the next 6 weeks waiting for tomorrow. Because tomorrow is one step closer.
I might actually be packing my hospital bag this time next year! Please god, let it work.
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