Madness Photo...

I thought I would share the madness with you. This is the test's today... Left to right

1 - 24/12/14 - 11dp3dt (First wee of the day)

2 - 26/12/14 - 13dp3dt (First wee of the day)

3 - 27/12/14 - 14dp3dt (First wee of the day)

4 - 27/12/14 - 14dp3dt (First wee of the day)

5 - 27/12/14 - 14dp3dt  Pregnant 2-3 weeks ( 3.50pm) Answer disappears in 24 hours, so looks here. 

6 - 28/12/14 - 15dp3dt (5pm - ish)

7 - 29/12/14 - 16dp3dt (Second wee of the day)

Here is a close up of the Digi - sorry it's a bit blurry.

I have one more digital test, which I am going to try and hold out and take on Friday/Saturday. That will be the last one, but at 5 weeks, I hope to see 3+ on the screen. 

Then I will hide the purse, stay out of the shops and relax....

The truth behind IVF....

Naively, I thought once we had a positive test, I would be elated...and I am. However it is tinged by worry. Worry that the pregnancy won't progress. Worry that I don't ''feel'' pregnant.

I know that if the worst happens, it happens. Nothing I can say, do or feel will have any bearing on that. So I am trying to stay calm, and enjoy each day. But sometimes I wonder if I am enjoying something that isn't there.

I have know for 6 days now that we are pregnant. I also have 7 tests to prove it. I used to read posts on BC about people that do loads of tests. I thought they were mad. I would often think, ''your pregnant, a line is a line!!''

However, when you are in that position, it is difficult to believe.

To sum up IVF..

• You spend months waiting for treatment, worrying that it will go wrong, or you won't react to the drugs.
• Then, when treatment starts, you spend a few weeks worrying you won't get enough good eggs.
• Then after egg collection, you worry that the eggs won't fertilise
• Then after your next day call, you worry your embryo's won't progress
• After your transfer, you worry whether the embryo's are implanting
• After you have passed the implantation window, you worry about whether you are pregnant.

After all of that, you would think a positive test will bring a breath of relief. Ha!! 

So now you worry about each twinge, about each feeling, about your 'symptoms' disappearing, about the line not being strong enough, about your HCG levels.. you count down each day with a desire to know what is happening inside your uterus. 

So at the beginning of last week, I was really poorly. I had an upset tummy and felt really sick. (for an emetophobic that isn't a great thing to feel!). I was completely off food, managed to have toast and cereal and a few bites of my dinner each evening. Hubby told me it was pregnancy related, I thought it may be a bug. The symptoms lessened, but continued until Saturday, so I thought maybe hubby was right. After all, a bug lasting 5 days is a long bug. But Sunday, nothing. Monday, nothing. So after moaning about feeling ill, I'm now worrying that I feel better.

I have mild nausea occasionally, sore boobs, a bad back each afternoon, and the occasional twinge and hot flush. My appetite has increased since being poorly. But I don't ''feel'' pregnant. I am 4 weeks and 6 days. Still early. Many people do not get symptoms until about 6 weeks, but still. 

So, today we go to the clinic to collect some more progesterone pessaries. We will get to book in for our scan. I am hoping they will reassure me somewhat. 

I am not anxious, what will be will be, I am not sad or panicking. I am just a parent. I am a mummy and I am worried about my baby(ies). But, I am excited also. Excited that in 8 months, I should have my baby(ies) in my arms. In a few weeks I should see baby or babies on the screen. In 8 weeks I should have my 12 week scan. It is all so exciting and I am so so grateful. 

Our first ever BFP!

So we tested yesterday (Christmas Eve) at 11dp3dt and got a BFP (Big Fat Positive)

It still hasn't really sunk in...it's feels so surreal. I am totally over the moon, and hubby is like a bottle of pop! 

I have been poorly with a bad tummy and nausea, and not sure if it is pregnancy (that sounds proper weird!!) or a tummy bug, but feel so much better today. I am managing the nausea now with Rennie. 

I also have some twinges and a back ache. But trying to take it all in my stride. 

We have told family and close friends. We have decided that we are extremely lucky to get to this point, and I pray and hope that the pregnancy continues, however if it doesn't at least we would have enjoyed every moment we could. 

Now we will test again tomorrow and Saturday, and then notify the clinic, where we will be notified of our viability scan. 

So below is a photo of our first BFP. We are pregnant! We are having a baby. After 5 years, 2 IVF cycles, and many tears, we have got one step forward. What a wonderful Christmas. For all those still waiting, please have hope. It is a long journey, it is a bloomin' hard journey...but it's well worth it. 

Spreading baby dust to you all and wishing you a very Merry Christmas xx

Time has stopped...

Or that is how it feels anyway!

I am 9dp3dt today, and if Holly and Ivy are still going strong, then today is the 2nd day that the HCG hormone is being produced. I hope, and feel hopeful that something is happening. I certainly don't feel myself. I have lots of symptoms that could be pregnancy related, however the horrible progesterone pessaries could also be the culprit.

I have cramps on and off, but I am trying really hard to ignore them. I am exhausted all the time and feel queasy a lot. That is just to name a few. There are more, but are they all in my head.

I guess time will tell. I am further down the line this time, and for me, that is wonderful.

Only 2 more sleeps!

Is it Friday yet?

Yep, as expected, there is now 36 hours in each of my days. An hour is now made up of 90 minutes, and I am wishing each second away.

So we are 4dp3dt (4 days past a 3 day transfer) and I just want to go to sleep and wake up next week.

I have a slight UTI, so am drinking lots of water and lots of Cranberry juice. Watching repeat episodes of Friends and talking to Holly and Ivy (the embryo's!)

I have sore boobs, mild cramping and tiredness. Yesterday I had a funny taste in my mouth. But i'm not symptom spotting in the slightest!!!

We have a week until we will take the first test. It is also my wonderful friend's 12 week scan on Christmas Eve so I am hoping for a double whammy!!

Just thought I would keep you in the know...I am now about to brave the dark grey skies and walk the dog...wish me luck!!

Eating for 3....

Okay, they are only small, but they need the extra food right??

I have been really useless again. I keep thinking, I need to update blog, but on busy days, I just check emails etc through my phone, and I haven't got the patience to write a blog post on my phone.

So my last post was on Egg Collection day. We had the call the next day. Out of our 6 eggs, 3 had fertilised, giving us 3 embryo's. I was a little disappointed I must say, but we were lucky to have those three. I have had lots of lovely people reminding me that they are the strong ones!!

The next wait was until day 3, when they would update me on their progress and we would find out if we were having a day 3 or day 5 transfer.

The couple of days after the Egg Collection were quite painful, I waddled rather than walking, and was so tired.

On the Saturday morning (day 3) I had a call to say out of my 3 embryo's I was a grade 1 (on a scale of 1-5, 1 being the best), one was a grade 2, and one was a grade 5. I was asked to come down that day for a transfer. 2 hours later, I was sat in a lovely gown, waiting to be reunited with my embryo's.

The embryologist came to talk to me, and said that the grade 5 embryo had arrested, so there were only 2 left. They advised transferring both, despite them being good quality.

So within the hour, my embies were back with mummy and I was keeping them warm. The transfer seemed to set off more pain, and I have quite a lot of low sharp pains, but today at 3dp3dt (7 days past Egg Collection) I am feeling much more normal.

Of course the progesterone has decided to give me cramps and other lovely side effects, but I know that it is far to early for it to be anything other than the progesterone.

Today (everything crossed) the embryo's will hatch out of their shell and begin to attach to the uterine wall. All being well, one or both will start their implantation journey very soon.

Please keep everything crossed for me xxx

Eggs Galore..

Ok, so I was useless this week in keeping you updated. Things have been busy, so I haven't turned on the computer. The main reason though is probably because my emotions have been all over the place, and I just couldn't find the words to write.

So, on Friday last week my dose was upped to 400. My follicles had shown growth, but still not enough. It was going to be very tight. I had 5 follicles that were large enough, the others will still catching up.  I was given a lifeline. Would I go ahead with the EC, but out of the eggs that were collected, were I donate at least 4 to my recipient. Even if it meant just one for us. That meant the cycle wouldn't be cancelled. I didn't even need to think about it. Go for it, and have a chance, or leave it and have a cancelled cycle.

This meant over the weekend the pressure was off ( a little) and all I had to do was focus on my eggs.

You can imagine my suprise when I went back on Monday with 13 follicles over the 14mm line, and 3 at 13mm, with 1 slightly behind that. 17 in total! What a turn around!

With my Egg Collection paperwork in hand, I went home to do my trigger shot. Tuesday I had a day off from all my medication.

At 6.30am today we braved the cold and left for the clinic. With a packed lunch, (I was determined not to faint like last time)my dressing gown and slippers and my pot of baby dust (supplied by a special friend) we got to our destination for 8am.

We went through forms, I got into a hideous gown, and was supplied with my pain relief. (Beautiful pessaries that we IVF ladies call 'Bum bullets' (someone remind me what dignity is?) Then we waited. This time I took a magazine and my book. This was in a bid to keep me calm and collected...HA!

The Anesthetist came to put my cannula in...and my veins had done a runner. So that took a good 20 minutes. Then after some more reading, and threatening to jump out of the window, I was taken down to the treatment room. I confirmed my details, talked a bit about Christmas and Woooosh...I was gone.

I woke back up and was so excited that it was all done and I was alive, that my pulse was raised. But as I calmed down, so did my pulse.

I ate my lunch, had some tea, and eventually, after 2 and a half hours in recovery, I got dressed and went home.

So.....we ended up with 11 eggs! A perfect number. We keep 6, and 5 will go to the recipient, and hopefully she will have the best Christmas ever.

I am so pleased, and know that we have made the right decision. I have given an amazing gift, and in return, we have 6 of our own little eggs.

Now I will sit on the sofa, sleep a little, and tomorrow we will find out how many got jiggy and fertilised.....

Positive thoughts please...

So I had second scan today. Mum came with me for moral support. I was feeling quite positive, I had lots of twinges, was quite uncomfortable and thought we should be on track.

The lovely nurse was quiet through the scan and said she would explain everything afterwards. Talk about suspense!

As I am Egg Sharing, I need a minimum on 10 follicles, which all need to be 10mm to be seen as viable.

So, I have 6 follicles measuring above 10mm. I have 4 follicles that are on their way. They look like they are responding, but are still not big enough to be counted. Then I have some teeny ones that are clearly sleeping....

So up goes the Gonal F....to 350!! I cannot believe it! I really thought we would do good this time. My body just doesn't respond as it is expected to.

We are back on Friday, but it looks like Egg Collection may be the Wednesday instead of the Monday, for a little extra growing time.

The nurse was great, but she really can't say whether we will get there or not. We just need to have hope.

So I am asking all my family, friends and lovely readers to keep your fingers crossed, hope or say a prayer for us....

I would really like to meet our baby....

Keep growing Eggs!

It has been exactly a week since I posted. I had hoped to write every day with my progress. Problem is, come 7pm, I am shattered and just want to lie on the sofa and shut out the world!

The increase in drugs has really put me on edge, and I have been a nervous wreck...will I get too many eggs? Will I have enough eggs to egg share? Will my Egg Collection be cancelled due to OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) In hindsight, I should probably just relax and take each day as it comes. 

The injecting itself has been fine, just like last time, after the first one, you feel like a pro! I have felt twinges very early on this time, which is a good sign something is happening, but the tiredness has hit me. 

I had my first Stimms scan yesterday to check my progress. I was nervous, as my first scan last cycle was the quite negative. Last time on my first scan, I had 11 follicles, but none had done much growing and were very small. So... 

This time, we have 8 follicles that are measurable, and 12 tiny ones yet to respond. My drugs are remaining at 275, and I am back tomorrow for a scan. We need 10 good sized follicles to egg share, so hopefully we are close. Nothing is set in stone, but we can hope. It is certainly better than last time! 

I am feeling more positive today. I have my lovely eggs growing away, and I really hope one will result in our miracle baby. 

It would be great if my lovely lady gets her miracle too....come on eggies, grow, grow, grow! 

I will be back tomorrow with an update!