Floating around in my bubble..

Ok, so it happened. It was only a matter of time. I am planning my nursery. I am planning what my baby will wear. The pram I will push. The bottles I will keep on standby if I need to use them. The baby bouncer for my lounge. I could go on. 

My internet history is made up of visits to Mothercare, Kiddicare, Asda, Tesco, Mamas and Papas, Toys R Us..... again, I could go on. 

Then something occurred to me. My head has been spinning with my entire motherhood future, but I can't share it with anyone. 

I have thought about names, picked up clothes in the supermarket, asked the hubby which bibs he like... but how do I stop people thinking that I have lost my mind in some kind of baby oblivion? 

I keep it to myself, I have jumped into a bubble and I cannot let anyone in. 

Hubby asked me what was wrong, as I have been quiet lately. I tried to explain ... 

The day someone finds out they are pregnant they are ecstatic (most of the time) and start planning. They pick out clothes, decorate the nursery, choose names, have hour long discussions about the different types of parenting styles, they surf the internet, they go baby shopping, they share their news and they plan their future. 
My pregnancy journey started 3 and a half years ago. I may not be pregnant yet, but I had planned to be back in 2010. I feel the same as other mums to be, I am excited to do all these things, but when reality beckons, my uterus is empty. All I feel are the few pangs of AF every month. Everyone will think I am crazy to want to constantly talk about all my ideas for my pregnancy and how I will dress my newborn. So I stay quiet, fantasize in my own bubble, and don't share my desire with anyone. That is why I am quiet. 

So, like many other lovely coupes, we are stuck in a bubble. Other people cannot share my excitement, because they don't understand my excitement. They tell me, you can worry about that when the time comes, or there will be new stock when you are pregnant. 

Am I crazy to want to have a day out with Hubby in Mothercare or Kiddicare? 

Actually....don't answer that! Who else has a bubble?