A friend in need...

I had a call this morning ... my drugs are being delivered on Thursday! The lovely lady explained that the Gonal F and Orgalutran will need to be refrigerated. It was like deja vu.

It is a week tomorrow until the Endometrial Scratch. Gulp. It it all getting very close.

I am having problems accepting that this might work. I have experienced the disappointment and hurt of a failed cycle, and I am so scared of experiencing that again. My heart goes out to all those ladies/couples that go through multiple failed cycles. Imagine getting a bad injury after doing an activity, that took a while to heal, that caused a lot of pain. Then imagine the apprehension of having to do that activity again. Without knowing if you will end up with the same injury.

I have also found that to my non IVF friends, this is all getting a bit old. I don't talk about me, me, me. Unless people ask, I keep quiet. However, last time, I had lots of support. People asked about the treatment, they were curious, they were excited. This time, it almost feels like they think it is old news.. they have heard it all before... I have no questions, there is no excitement. Realistically, they are probably worried about upsetting me, or bringing it up, when they know it failed last time. But it really helped last time, I felt I had people supporting me, behind me. I feel quite alone this time.

I love Christmas. I am that person that get's excited in September when the cards start appearing in the card shops. I am that person who shares Christmas countdown's on Facebook. I count the days down, talk about it all the time, get all warm and bubbly when the wrapping paper and pressies line the shelves in town. This year feels different.

It may be partly because we don't have much spare money, as I am not working full time....but I think it is the treatment. I am trying so, so hard to be positive, to feel that naivety that I felt before. To believe in all my heart that this will work.

Well, after one of those weeks, I had a parcel delivery. I was sort of prepared, as a lovely friend had asked for my address. When hubby brought it home from work (he keeps our post at work as the dog has a tendency to hide post in his bed, and occasionally gets hungry!!)

I opened it and had a beautiful card, with some touching words inside, a jar of baby dust, and a book... ''IVF ... An Emotional Companion'' written by Brigid Moss.

Sometimes, something happens and it completely changes your outlook on something. For the first time, It felt 'right'. This could work... it really could.

I still cant bring myself to say it will, I said this last time, and it didn't. But my wonderful friend really helped me and brought some positivity.  So, Thank You xx

So from today, as I count down the days until we start this roller-coaster again, I will do all I can to remain positive. I will remember to have hope, to stay strong and to believe in miracles...