Here come the tears....

It has taken me 4 weeks. I cried when I got my BFN of course. But then I picked myself up, brushed myself off and got on with life. I was brave, or so I thought. I have been feeling 'off' for a few days. Getting stressed at silly things, feeling hurt when I hear other people's baby news.. and then last night I tipped over the edge.

I cried and cried and cried. I remember being on cloud nine walking out of the clinic, with 2 teeny embryo's inside their mummy. I got stopped in Sainsbury's because the alarm went off and I didn't even care. (It was a tag that Superdrug had left on my make up!) I grinned all the way home. I spent the next 5 days in a daze of happiness. Then it all fell apart.

I would do anything to be back there now, to feel that feeling again. To be a mummy again, even if it was for just 5 days.

So last night, I let it all out. I cried for my plans, for my pregnancy that wasn't meant to be, for my husband, for the people who helped us financially, for me and for my embryo's...for Chickpea and Baked Bean.

Reading back on my blog, a lot of my posts sound negative. I don't want you to think I am a negative person because that is far from the truth. I am a very positive person. However, this blog is my outlet.. it is where I can put my feelings without having to say them. If I tried to write a diary I would never sit and dedicate time to it...this works because I tell myself that I must keep updating it as people read it...you poor people!


I have 6 weeks and 3 days until our treatment planning appointment...not that I am counting or anything ;)

Onwards and upwards.....