"Life is like a rollercoaster.... "

Wow, 900 views! Hopefully we can soon get it up to 1K!

Well, it's been a crazy week.

Early last week I received news that a recipient had been contacted, and we are waiting on a reply, to see whether I am her match! My email inbox has never been refreshed so many times a day!! 

So we started off pretty straight forward. And then. I lost my job. Not in a awful, your sacked kind of way, but in a, we don't really need you any more kind of way. So with treatment weeks away, I'm not sure where to go from here... No employer will take me on knowing I am about to go through IVF. So I am trying to get freelance work and wondering how we will manage financially. 

I make Sentimental Gifts, Sentimental Treasures and will try to sell these, but it is slow moving, and like any business, slow to get up off the ground. 

And then... On Friday, Hubby had his results appointment at the NHS Clinic. Or most of his results. Some still weren't back ... 7 months later. He is a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. He also has high FSH. Usually the two don't go together. The consultant said if you have the Cystic Fibrosis Gene, the azoospermia is usually obstructive, and hormonal problems are non-obstructive. So he is a medical mystery. And if that isn't confusing enough, his FSH levels have gone from 27 last April (2013) to 17.9 in December. People say they don't fluctuate, but they have dropped by 10. 

So the bloods have been repeated, and we go back next Friday. What a whirlwind. I broke down, and felt so so selfish, as all I could think about was the treatment being cancelled. We have waited so long, and this comes along and messes it up. Perhaps I should have been elated. If his FSH drop anymore, they may be looking at sperm retrieval. I was confused, I was hurt and I felt cheated. All I could see were months ahead of me of more waiting. Waiting for the outcome to be the same. 

I called our private clinic and explained. The nurse was lovely, and assured me that nothing would be affected at the moment and we had the time to get the results. She thinks it is just a blip, and we will still be using Donor Sperm. 

Hubby, bless his soul, is still happy to go forward with a donor. He understands how important it is for us both to continue, and says that if his results go down, we could always try retrieval in the future. 

It worries us that by genetically fathering a child, he may pass down the gene, and the other little health problems he has. He will make an amazing father, regardless of the genetics. I was told last week by my employer (ex!) that it won't be his child. That the eggs I share will become my children. Well.... more of that to come in the next post. 

For now, we wait. We wait to hear if we have transformed the life of another. 

Let me tell you something...if you can get through the turmoil of infertility and IVF...you can get through ANYTHING!