Day 17 - How many Embies?!

Thursday 31st July - Waiting for the call.

Half past 8. That was when my phone rang. A mobile number that I didn't recognised. Whoooop! 

5 out of our 6 eggs fertilised. 

5 little embies are currently relaxing in the clinic. We will get a phone call on Saturday morning to let us know whether the Egg Transfer will be Saturday or Monday. 

I am so, so pleased. I have hope and faith that our babies are growing now - test day in 16 days. 

16 days and I 'may' be seeing that positive! 

Day 16 - Egg Collection

Today (or yesterday - sorry I am a day late) was the day.

I woke at 5. Up and in the shower. Showered with water (no fragrance or scented soaps allowed). Took out/off my jewellery all apart from my wedding band. No deodorant, no make up. In hindsight, maybe I should have gone in my Jim jams! Popped in my cyclogest pessary and thats me done.

Hubby also had to go hair gel and deodorant free. Was a very quick morning getting ready. Popped my slippers and dressing gown in my bag.

Was Nil by Mouth, so no food for me. Just a couple of sips of water. Made our way to the clinic. Traffic was quite heavy despite leaving at 6.45am. I was feeling very nervous. I didn't know what to expect. I have a sickness phobia, so I was terrified of the drugs making me sick.

Got to the clinic at 7.30 and waiting for the time to tick by so we could make our way in at 8am. Time went so slow. I watched people making there way to work, tried to think of everything but what was happening. At 7.50, the door was opened and another couple were making there way in. The nurse spotted us and held open the door for us...here we go....

We were told to go straight up to the treatment room. Inside was a large bed/chair, an armchair, a bedside table. A few magazines and a telly to keep us distracted...yea right!!

Was asked to fill in a couple more forms, then to take two more pessaries. Painkillers this time. Then the anesthetist came to talk to me, and put in my canulla.  That was over quickly and only stung for a while. I then learnt that we were one of 6 couples and I was number 4. Oh... I had 1 hour and a half to wait. I was biting hubby's head off and trying to sink myself into a travel magazine. After what felt like a lifetime my consultant popped her head around the door and asked if I was ready. Ha! No! I was going home!

With my heart beating and my skin clammy, I followed her down to the treatment room. Went into the darkened room and Radio 1 was playing. I led on the bed, with my legs in stirrups. Classy! I was given an anti sickness drug, to calm my nerves, bless them. And then given the sedation. I don't remember much more. It felt like seconds later and they were telling me that it was all over.

I was pushed back to the recovery room in a wheelchair, and got back on my bed, where I stayed for the next hour and a half. I had two glasses of water, a cup of tea and some biscuits. The nurse asked me how I was feeling and I felt fine, just a little tired. She said that if I went to the toilet, I would be able to go home.

I then (probably too quickly) got up from the bed, and went so dizzy. Hubby told me to sit down, and then all goes blank. Apparently I sat on the bed, then fell forward and ended up in a heap on the floor. Apparently I shook the lights downstairs!

Hubby and the nurses managed to pick me up, and it was then that I started coming round. I was given oxygen, and my blood pressure was taken and was very low. I then stayed led down while hubby went to get me a sandwich and some chocolate. I ate some food, and slowly, over time, sat up. About 2 hours later, I got up to move rooms. The nurses wanted to see me in several different environments before I left.

After that, I slowly got dressed. 20 minutes later we then went downstairs to wait in the reception. A total 5 hours after my Egg Collection, we got to go home. I was tired and sore for the rest of the day, but no more fainting!

Think I gave everyone a scare. The best news is that we got 6 eggs! Not enough to egg share though, which I am gutted about, but I am very grateful to be given the chance to continue with my treatment.

It really isn't that bad. The fainting was worse than the procedure, and that was a combination of low blood pressure, low sugar levels and getting up too quickly. I didn't eat that much the day before, due to being so bloated. However, maybe if I'd had a bar of chocolate before I went to bed, maybe that would have helped. I should also have asked for sugar in my tea after the procedure.

Try not to panic. It's not wonderful, but it's IVF. It's full of sacrifices to enable us to have our little miracles.

Back at home, we wait for the fertilisation phone call...

Day 14 - Guardian Angels...

Someone was looking down on me today... 

My mother and I arrived at the clinic a little early, so we went inside to wait. The consultant was in theatre, so we waited a little longer than usual. 

I was a quivering wreck. I was so worried that something may have happened to the remaining follies, and someone would say it was all over. 

We went in, and I explained that we were happy to have full IVF. I had my scan, which was the quietest and longest 5 minutes I have experienced in a long time. 

Once all over, the consultant told me that I have 7 follicles that are mature and ready to go. I also have 1 little follicle that is just a bit behind in growth, but it may catch up, so keeping everything crossed whilst sat here with my hot water bottle on my stomach....grow, follie, grow! 

So Egg Collection is booked for 8am on Wednesday. I will take my trigger shot tonight at 10.15pm. My alarm is set and I'm ready to go. Looking forward to doing my last injection and a drug free day tomorrow. 

I am blessed to be here, in this situation. My dream is getting closer....thank you guardian angel xx

Day 14 - Catching up...

Today is the 14th day since this cycle began, and I have been administering the injections for 13 days.

I also haven't updated for just short of 2 weeks, and for that, I apologise. I wanted to update daily, but it all got on top of me. So, I am going to give a brief update, some days will have more to say than others.

Monday 21st July

My first scan. Hubby had work, and was unable to take the time off, so my mother in law came with me. We got there nice and early, and I had no nerves really. I'm not sure what I expected, but I was just excited to get going!

I went in, and the nurse scanned me first. She counted the follicles, and found 11, however they were still very small, not much growing going on. She went away to talk to the consultant leaving me a bit numb. I know a lot of the lingo words, I know roughly what my medication is doing, but I didn't understand what this meant. Was it bad? Or was I just a bit slower than others.

She came back. They had decided to up my dose of Gonal - F from 150ml to 225ml. Away I went, waiting for the next scan, the day after next. I was worried, but just hoped the increase in Gonal-F would kick in.

Wednesday 23rd July

Again, Hubby was working, so off I went with my mother in law. We got to the clinic, and today I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect and was terrified of the cycle being cancelled. The nurse scanned me again. This time, she counted 13 follicles. Wonderful, I thought. However then she told me that once again, they hadn't grown much, and off she went to talk to the consultant, leaving me to do my injection. 

She came back and said they were keeping me at the same dose and would see me on Friday for my next scan. Then I got emotional. I asked if it was really bad news, and got quite upset. We have waited so long for this, and it wasn't going how i'd imagined it. She was lovely, and reassured me, and told me that I was just slow to respond. I went away, a little grizzly, but ok!

Friday 25th July

Hubby was off, so off we went, driving the hour down to the clinic. I was a nervous wreck! I'd been quite uncomfortable the day before, so was hoping this meant good things. A different nurse today, and she was so lovely. She asked hubby if he wanted to watch the scan and she would show him the follicles etc. She was quite while carrying out the scan, and then said I had 6 good sized follicles, but only 3 others, that were still small.

Off she went to get the consultant, again. Got dressed, only to be told the consultant wanted to scan me. So, another scan, while the silent consultant did her bit. I led on the bed and prayed. It was all I could do. I could feel everything slipping away. When all done and I was dressed, the consultant sat down with ''that face''. I knew then. She said that I didn't have enough follicles to egg share. This meant cancelling the cycle....unless we could cough up £4,650. We had £450 put aside for ICSI, but that was as far as it went.

She left us together, and the nurse brought us a cup of tea, and said that we could take as long as we needed. I completely broke down. How could we have waited so long, struggled so hard and watch it all end here. All we needed was a chance. I couldn't stop thinking that one of the follicles that had tried so hard to grow, could be my baby. How could I just let it... fade away.

We wanted to try and borrow the money, but sitting in the nurse's room isn't the best place to ring round family and friends. The nurse said that it was a big decision that couldn't be made overnight, and that I could carry on with my injections, including my new Orgalutran. (to stop ovulation - more common in people on a antagonist cycle) and come back Monday for a scan, with our decision.

I was a mess, an hour later I was a mess, later that day...can you sense what's coming?!

Our dear friends offered to lend up half of the money, and later that evening members of our family matched this. We have quite a bit to repay, but we are truly blessed to have had this chance. We are so lucky to be able to go forward and I am eternally grateful.

Today - Monday 28th July

So here I am, updated this, ready to go for another scan. I am relieved that we have the funds to carry on, but I am so scared that something else will be negative. I am not overly bloated, I am not very uncomfortable, so what if they have all disappeared. I suppose after 3 negative scans, I will be panicking! I just need to breathe, relax and take each moment as it comes.

I hope that I will be able to positively update later, but if not, then I thank god that I am still here, healthy and alive....

Day 4 - Getting Nervous

Friday 18th. So 3rd injection today. All went well again, stung a tiny but today, but nothing to put me off.

Struggled with eating and drinking enough, the heat didn't help l don't think.

I was stupidly tired, and just wanted to lie on the sofa. Not sure if that was the weather or the drugs. Trying not to google side effects.
Getting nervous about my reaction to the drugs now. On one hand im worried I will find out that im not responding well, and on the other hand im scared of over stimulated. Trying really hard to just relax, but this journey is full of so many emotions. I guess I will.find out what's happening at my scan on Monday.

Went to see our (hopefully) new house today, and loved it.. Perfect bedroom for a nursery :-)

Went to bed with my hot water bottle and ended up soaked. Brand new and broken, so back to the shop.

More updates on day 5 later...

Me xxx

Day 3 - learning the ropes.

So day 3 (Thursday 17th) - the second day of injections. All went ok, in fact it is surprising how quickly you get used to administering them.

I have started a food diary, which includes measures of the amount of protien consumed. It is quite difficult to measure how much you have had, and they advise 65g per day!

So I was quite uncomfortable in the evening. Very bloated. But I think that was due to the amount of food and drink I'd consumed. 3 litres of water and 1 litre of milk is quite a lot!

Hot water bottle again in the evening. Im hoping we are going ahead in the right direction.

Posting on my phone today, so no fancy signature. Keep your eyes peeled for day 4..

Me xxx

Day 2 - The first injection

It seemed like forever watching the clock. I was due to do my injection at 10am, and the time was going so slowly. At 9.53am I took out my purple bag, took my Gonal - F out of the fridge, and put my sharps box in front of me.

Dialling up to 150ml, I decided there was only one thing to do  - just go for it.

So, I did just that. In seconds it was over. Again, not a pain in sight. Possibly a funny sensation whilst the liquid went in, however that could have been my over indulgent imagination!

I was a little shaky for 5 minutes afterwards, but that was most likely the adrenaline. We then got on with our day, and all was fine! There is a little reddish spot there now, but it doesn't hurt.

I found it was a bit of an anti climax. I have spent so long waiting for this day, and it was over in seconds. I am glad that I had lots to do to take my mind off of it.

So I have had 4 litres of water, 2 breasts of chicken among other protein filled foods, 5 brazil nuts, and now I am sitting with a hot water bottle on my belly.

Come on follicles, lets get growing!

And for another day, I say goodnight!