Day 3 - learning the ropes.

So day 3 (Thursday 17th) - the second day of injections. All went ok, in fact it is surprising how quickly you get used to administering them.

I have started a food diary, which includes measures of the amount of protien consumed. It is quite difficult to measure how much you have had, and they advise 65g per day!

So I was quite uncomfortable in the evening. Very bloated. But I think that was due to the amount of food and drink I'd consumed. 3 litres of water and 1 litre of milk is quite a lot!

Hot water bottle again in the evening. Im hoping we are going ahead in the right direction.

Posting on my phone today, so no fancy signature. Keep your eyes peeled for day 4..

Me xxx

Day 2 - The first injection

It seemed like forever watching the clock. I was due to do my injection at 10am, and the time was going so slowly. At 9.53am I took out my purple bag, took my Gonal - F out of the fridge, and put my sharps box in front of me.

Dialling up to 150ml, I decided there was only one thing to do  - just go for it.

So, I did just that. In seconds it was over. Again, not a pain in sight. Possibly a funny sensation whilst the liquid went in, however that could have been my over indulgent imagination!

I was a little shaky for 5 minutes afterwards, but that was most likely the adrenaline. We then got on with our day, and all was fine! There is a little reddish spot there now, but it doesn't hurt.

I found it was a bit of an anti climax. I have spent so long waiting for this day, and it was over in seconds. I am glad that I had lots to do to take my mind off of it.

So I have had 4 litres of water, 2 breasts of chicken among other protein filled foods, 5 brazil nuts, and now I am sitting with a hot water bottle on my belly.

Come on follicles, lets get growing!

And for another day, I say goodnight!

All aboard the IVF train - Day 1

Ok, so firstly must apologise, this should have been posted yesterday as the first official day of our first IVF cycle. We were in the city all day, not getting home until 10pm, and today we have been getting the house ready for a viewing, so I haven't had chance to breathe!

I will try to update daily from here on in. I know how interesting I would  find it, reading a day to day diary, so would like to share, for any like-minded people out there. So I will start from the very beginning!

Monday 14th July

CD1 - AF arrives. After giving up hope. After being on the pill for 2 months, I was unsure how my body was going to react. I was so worried that I would need to delay my scan, that I actually cried with joy! (Shhh, don't tell anyone!)

Tuesday 15th July - Treatment begins

IVF Day 1 - We are an hour away from the clinic, so we were up bright and breezy. We dropped the dog at my mum's and left home around 12.30 for our appointment at 2pm. We went armed with my Supercur, which I needed to hand back in (due to my plan being changed to an antagonist cycle) and my Gonal - F pen, ready to do my injection teach.

The nurses at the clinic really are lovely, and I feel so at ease around them. We talked about the cycle, what was happening regarding drugs and staying calm! She carried out the baseline scan, and said everything looked fine and we were ready to start injecting.

I was told that I would take my first injection the following day (today) and take one every morning for 6 days. I would next be scanned on Monday the 21st to see how things are progressing.

We then did the injection teach using my Gonal - F Pen, but without injecting liquid. I was told to pinch an inch of skin, and then go for it. I did. And honestly didn't feel a thing. It bled a little when I took it out, but nothing to scream about.

I then had more bloods taken to check for transmittable diseases, and then we were ready to go. We handed in our consent forms, paid our HFEA Fee, and went out into the sunshine.

The clinic had a support meeting that evening, so we hung about, grabbed some food, and had a look around the shops. Living in between 2 small towns, it is nice to look around the big city!

At 6.30, we were back at the clinic and meeting another lovely couple who are about to embark on their first IVF cycle. A little behind us, they were keen to hear all about the process so far. One of the nurses was running the support group, and she was wonderful. She explained so much, and answered lots of questions, and really made me feel at home! I didn't want to leave!

We left the clinic, tired but excited for the journey ahead. Going to bed, ready to wake up to my first injection.

So, without further ado, I will pass you on to Day 2 .....

Already in love with you...

Who can relate to this quote... I know I can. As mental as it sounds, I am already attached to my baby... I love my baby. The baby who is yet to come.

Operation Positive

It is a week until my baseline scan. All being well, it then all kicks off. 

We are so close. For the first time since we found out about hubby's Azoospermia I am struggling. Since the diagnosis we have known that we wouldn't get pregnant, so I guess we focused on other things. We were on a long NHS waiting list, and had to do just that. In that time, I could cope with bumps and babies. 

Now that we are so close, I am getting emotional. I have people all around me that are trying to conceive, people who are having babies, people planning on trying to conceive. Don't get me wrong, I am pleased and happy for them. But it doesn't seem fair. We have been trying for over 4 years, we have dreamt of bringing our baby home for that long, and it is so hard to watch others do it with ease. 

I am sure I am not alone. I am sure there are thousands of ladies that feel exactly the same. A maternal instinct that has to be compressed because we haven't got what nature intended. 

So ''Operation Postive'' starts today. In about 3 weeks, I will be having my egg collection. A few days later, a strong and perfect little embie will be finding a snug place to nest. Two weeks after that, I will be seeing those two lines. And this time next year, I will be looking at our miracle. Because, this is going to happen. I will be a Mummy.

So here is your assignment .... you are also going to carry out ''Operation Positive''. I don't care where you are in your fertility journey. You will today set yourself a timeline. You will tell yourself you will do it, you will achieve it, and you will become a Mummy too. 

We need to keep this positive attitude. Because, we should not have to go through life feeling negative. Together, we will all have our miracle babies ... have hope. 

Overwhelmed...

A friend had a baby today. I am, of course, pleased for her, but my god it hurts. I didn't feel it when she told me this morning. But now, as I sit here on my own, I just can't seem to shake off the knot lying in my chest.

I haven't felt like this in a while. While knowing we couldn't conceive, but treatment being a while away, I have been calm, and have coped with babies and pregnancy. Suddenly, knowing that pregnancy MAY be weeks away, I have been overwhelmed with emotion.

I am trying so hard to be positive, trying to imagine a BFP. But it so hard when a voice is muttering ''why would I be that lucky'' in my head.

We have to sign our consent forms. That's exciting! However, I have to tick to say that I agree to abandon the cycle if I do not get enough eggs to egg share. I have to have over 8. If I get under 8, my little eggs that I have grown, will just fade away because we cannot afford a full IVF cycle.

I am struggling to understand why so many ladies, who just want to be a mum, struggle for years. We are put on a roller-coaster of emotions, a roller-coaster of hope, and fear, and strength and faith, of worry and hurt, of anxiety and of excitement. A journey of tears and laughter. A dream that keeps revolving. There is no end, it just goes round and round.

Many ladies get that BFP so soon. They see the heartbeat and learn the sex. They meet their bundle of joy. A lady could do all that 4 times in the time that I have been trying. A lady I know is just about to have her 3rd baby. I have seen each one come into the world, in the time that we have been trying.

Please don't think this is a negative post, as it is not. I am hopeful that it will work. I am praying I will get to see that second line. I am just trying to express how I feel, in the hope that this pressure on my chest will go away. This pain will evaporate into the night sky.

To all you ladies out there, the ones that feel the same pain, I am right with you. I understand. I am sending you hugs. We WILL be mummies. I will take myself off to bed now, tomorrow is another day.

A little bit longer...

So my post title today should be 'Day 2'. Infact, I should have updated you all yesterday on my first injections.

So, got to the clinic, armed with my meds, only to be told I was booked in at 2, not 10.30. Oh dear. I am so, so sure that I was correct. I remember writing the time in my diary whilst on the phone booking the appointment. However, it is possible that my brain has turned to mush...

Anyway, they were really good and said fitting me in was no problem. When waiting in the waiting area, I heard the nurse on the phone discussing me. We went into the nurse's room, only to be told that they were changing my plan. (jaw dropping moment)

Due to being slightly polycystic, my cycle is now being changed to an Antagonistic Cycle. Now, I am, unfortunately, not a specialist, and would rather not put false google information on here, but I think this means that they will use a drug to postpone ovulation that is not as likely to cause OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome).

Obviously, I am grateful and somewhat relieved that they are trying to ensure the cycle goes as well as possible, but I was very disappointed. I have spent weeks psyching myself up to do injections, and was so excited that the 1st July was the start of my IVF. Suddenly, I am told that I have another 2 weeks to wait.

I feel better about it now. I just pray that it is as effective as the other drugs. I will now come off the pill on the 10th of July, ready (hopefully) for my baseline scan on the 15th.

So now we wait. And continue to dream of the day we see our BFP. It won't be long!