My how you have grown...

We met with friends yesterday and went to a science attraction that had a pregnancy exhibition inside.

You could hold rubber babies to the correct scale based on gestation, and then you could go in a womb simulator (yes you are reading right!) A pink padded dome with a small entrance! It moves to imitate the movement that baby feels and you can hear mum and dad talking on the outside. In 5 minutes you go from pregnancy test to birth!

They also show pictured of the embryos from conception to 5 days. Looking at the picture I cannot believe our little babies came home with mummy as day 3, 8 cell embryos!!

I will leave you with a picture of the rubber baby of 5 months gestation.... We are 21 weeks now, so fit nicely into the 5 month category! 

With love, Me xxx

Another hurdle crossed. ..

We had our 20 week scan yesterday and both babies look fine. All went well. I was so nervous and was expecting something to be wrong.

I have promised family I will now start to enjoy this pregnancy and believe my babies will be coming home. It is still so surreal and I am just protecting myself from getting hurt sub-consiously,  but I owe it to my boys to have faith in them.

I have felt the quiet baby kicking this last 12 hours.  Actually kicking. They are telling get they're mummy to stop worrying I think!

So overall feeling well. Lots of aches and pains in legs hips and back, but all to be expected according to the midwife .

Still not able to eat green vegetables ! Guilty mum moment.  But making sure I stock up on other good foods.

Bump is growing and is heavy and sore now if I am walking a lot. 

I still have to pinch myself sometimes. I phoned the clinic yesterday to update them on the scan. They sounded very happy and I am so grateful to them. Hubby will tell people that they helped to make our miracles. 

IVF was so hard. We put our bodies through so much.  We spend so much money trying to achieve something so natural. We worry, we stress, we cry, we hope.

But it is worth every tear.

Posting on my phone today... so no fancy signature! Have a lovely weekend. 

Love, Me xxx

A sad day...

I have heard some sad news today regarding a fellow IVF'er, I am not going to explain, as it is not my story to tell, however I am thinking of her, and am sending her strength. We take life for granted sometimes and it is days like this when we realise just how lucky we are.

Sleep tight, little one xxx

Nobody said this would be easy...

...but it sure will be worth it.

Monday night, we enjoyed our evening in A+E! Nothing terrible...I was suffering from a raised pulse of 130 and palpitations. All my tests came back normal, so I have just been told to go back if it happens again.

Then at my midwife appointment yesterday, my blood pressure is 90/40. Low. I felt fine until she told me! Then I had every symptom going! Felt rubbish for the rest of the day. Woken up this morning feeling fine, so fingers crossed.

Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant, and I already love my boys more than words can describe. But I always thought pregnancy was where you walked around looking and feeling blooming!

The only think that is blooming at the moment seems to be my back end! Blooming massive ;)

I wouldn't change it for the world, and this means so, so much to me...but it's not as easy as I thought it would be!

However, I have woken up today, the sun is shining, I can feel very little movements, and I am loving my bump. I will do everything I can to look after my babies, even if that means mummy feeling rubbish.

Wishing everyone a very happy Friday...

We are having....

So after I last updated, I had a bit of a meltdown. I was so worried and anxious, which wasn't great. 

I went to see the midwife, who listened in and thinks she heard both heartbeats, which is great with twins, as it is often hard to find them both. However she explained to me that it is difficult to rely on home heartbeat monitors because whilst you may find a heartbeat, 10 minutes later something could happen. That didn't do a brilliant job of reassuring me!! I know she was trying to help, but I went home and broke my heart. I spoke to hubby and we agreed we would book a private scan. Sunday the 15th March, 16 weeks, Mother's Day. 

We went yesterday for our private scan and I was so, so nervous. We went in, not really knowing what to expect. It was lovely and so relaxing. The room was dimly lit, and there was music playing in the background. A TV screen was in front of the scanning bed so that we could watch the scan. Hubby had a nice comfy seat to sit in. To be honest, I only really noticed most of that once we knew both babies were ok. 

So baby 1 was very active, kicking legs all over the place and liked posing for photo's!  I have felt a couple of movements, but cannot believe they can move that much and you not feel it! 

Baby 2 was facedown, and a little shy. We did see baby rubbing it's eyes on the 4d scan though. This was just a freeview, as we didn't pay for a 4d scan. 

Another part of the scan was a gender check. We were very lucky and managed to find out the sex of both babies. 

We are having.... 

Two beautiful baby boys!! 

We are absolutely made up, and it feels so real now! I feel like a mummy, and am so excited to meet them! 

IVF really is a Miracle and I have so much to thank the clinic for! 

Please remember to have hope, because dreams really can come true. 

A little TLC please...

I am sat at home today feeling sorry for myself because some kind soul has shared their cold virus with me! Usually, I would just get on with things, but it has left me feeling exhausted and just yuck! I tried to drink a hot honey and lemon...but had run out of lemon. Note to self... Honey and hot water does not equal yummy!

So, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to pop in and say 'hi'!

Not much new. I have booked in to see the midwife tomorrow, for reassurance more than anything. It seems such a long time between the 12 and 20 week scan, and just want to know my little babies are ok. I am hoping she may look for the heartbeats, but it may be a little early at 14 weeks.

I went shopping with my mum yesterday, and we bought some maternity things. I cannot tell you how long I have waited to do that! It felt very surreal, but I am starting to be able to imagine them being here, and wondering what they will look like.

I am feeling slightly better in myself, but of course, this just means I worry that things are going well. It is a viscous circle. They are right when they tell you a mother's worry starts at conception.

There is a lot to think about, so I have started writing lists... there is so much we need, and there are constant questions going around in my head regarding the best things to buy. Add that to a lack of money, and it is quite frightening.

But, the main thing is that these little ones will be so loved, and I cannot wait to meet them now!

Keep your eyes peeled...I will update when I get my scan date through!!

Pregnant after IVF...

We are know at 14 weeks. A whole 10 weeks since finding out, and 3 and a half months into our pregnancy. I am awaiting my 20 week scan appointment and my consultant appointment.

I am not sure what pregnancy is like after a natural conception so I have nothing to compare my pregnancy too, however I still cannot envisage me with 2 babies.

My bump is growing, I spend half my day needing the loo, and my boobs feel like someone has attached hot weights onto them... I have a nursery half complete, clothes, nappies and blankets upstairs. But I cannot get my head around them being used by my babies.

I wonder if it is an IVF thing. We spend so long hurting emotionally, that we put a barrier up to protect our emotions. I am hoping when I start feeling proper movement (been feeling very light flutters) things will step up a level.

I get a surge of excitement when I talk about the birth, or life after birth.

In terms of the pregnancy, things seem to be going ok (touch wood). I am getting lots of strong ligament pain, and my hips and back have bad days. I am still getting occasional nausea, but it has got better. My bump is really quite there now, and I spend hours asking hubby if I just look fat...because I just don't believe I have a pregnancy bump!!

I await the news of post every day, in the hope that I have that familiar envelope. I did have a hospital letter the other day to tell me all my screening bloods came back as normal. This is wonderful and we are very pleased (although I had them checked for egg sharing, so wasn't worried about there being a problem)

So I will continue to wait, continue to look in the mirror, and continue to tell myself that this is real!